Be As LOUD As You Can!

Today is my last day of a four-month leadership course I have been taking since January. When I say that this program has challenged me and has kicked my natural black behind, I’m not kidding. I went into this course thinking that I was going to be focusing on my preconceived notions of what it takes to be a leader (e.g., hard work, persistence, influencing others). This biggest thing that I have discovered is that leadership doesn’t come by taking on the qualities that you think make up a good leader; great leaders are people who are bold and courageous enough to BE themselves.

I have had this huge insecurity since college about being loud. Anybody who knows me and my siblings know that the words “LOUD” and “LAKINS” pretty much go hand and hand. You put all nine of us (plus our kids!) in a room and we can damn near break the sound barrier.  But I remember taking on this complex about my loudness during my sophomore year of college because one of my classmates said, “Gee, Leah you are just really loud and you are making the most noise in this room.” (As I reflect back on this now, this fool was in MY dorm room at 10 p.m. telling me to be quiet in MY own room! If only I had a time machine! I digress…)

Since that time, I have been VERY conscientious about my sound level, especially around white people ‘cause I didn’t want to scare ya’ll and come off as just another loud black person who didn’t know any better.  But it wasn’t until I got into this course that I realized that when I stifled my loudness I was silencing my voice and my true essence.

Anybody who has had the pleasure of taking a class with me at any point in my life knows that I sit right up front and I ask 10 million questions. I’m an eternal learner and it’s what I do. This course was no different. While I was diligent about gaining my own knowledge and be a contribution to the course, I was still very conscious about not talking too much or being too loud. (Again, you can’t scare the good white folks!) My “a-ha!” moment came one evening midway through the program. I was asking my 50^th question of the night and one of the young ladies in the program stood up and said, “I just have to say that I just love when Leah speaks. She just really inspires me.” I was thinking, “HUH? You were listening to ME and you weren’t scared of the fact that I was speaking so loudly? You aight skinny white girl?”   

In that moment, I started to get in touch with the fact that there are people in this world who are going to LOVE my LOUD voice and want to hear what I have to say. I know my loudness isn’t everybody’s cup of tea (e.g., the 10 p.m. dorm room crasher of 1998 and random uptight yuppies in Old Town Alexandria) but for some folks LOUD and BODACIOUS Leah is just the bag of Lipton they’ve been looking for.

A few weeks later, the point became even clearer when I had to miss one of our major work sessions.  When I came back to the center the following week, many of my classmates said to me, “Leah, we missed your VOICE last week.” Well hot damn! Who the heck knew that a LOUD black girl from Baltimore could make such a difference in the world?  I’m eternally grateful for my classmates giving me the space and the encouragement to be my LOUD, BEAUTIFUL, and AUTHENTIC self.

Today I stand confidently in the knowledge that my LOUD voice does indeed matter. There are some people in the world who have the gift of being soft, beautiful, and delicate creatures with eloquent and light voices. Umm…yeah that ain’t my gift (LOL!). I recently saw a former co-worker at my local Whole Foods, and I screamed my nickname for him across the parking lot. I realized later that I probably embarrassed him (Sorry, Mint Chocolate!) but if I wasn’t loud and bold in my joy upon seeing him, who else would I be?

One of my favorite quotes from the late, great E. Lynn Harris says, “I think God gets pissed when we come down here and try to be anything other than what he destined for us to be.” I know that I’m not doing the world any favors when I try to be quiet, church mouse Leah. (That doesn’t even look good when I type it!) I owe it to my God, myself, and the world to be as LOUD as I can!